--THIS JOURNAL CONTIANS OCs ON DEVIANTART. I AM NOT CLAIMING OWNERSHIP OVER THEM, AND BLATANTLY, I REALLY DON'T WANT TO. I AM JUST GIVING MY HONEST OPINIONS ABOUT ONE PIECE "ORIGINAL" CHARACTERS. KTHX.--











------So let's start with number one, Leitner "Knockout" Mara.

This is a good one, grab the popcorn.

Age: 18, 20 after timeskip.
DoB: September 27th
Height: 5'7
Bounty: 65,000,000 (this should be good, right guys?)
Crew: Strawhats (DING DING DING!)
Role: Writer/Log Keeper
Skills: Speed and extensive knowledge of pressure points
Combat: hand-to-hand
Traits: Reckless, energetic, fearless, careless, vengeful, stubborn, irresponsible, social, playful, bold, empathetic
Dream: to write the greatest story ever told
Love: Portgas D. Ace (DING DA FUCKIN' DING.)

Devil Fruit: Naoru Naoru no Mi (Heal Heal Fruit), Paramecia
Ability: healing/regeneration on self only at a highly accelerated rate, remains active at all times.


-It looks good so far. That is, until we reach the bounty. 65 million Beli? For what? Stabbing someone with a quill? I'd really like to know exactly how she reached her bounty.

As for her crew, that's another thing. the Strawhats. Yeah. Be a Sue. Choose the most fucking overused crew in the world besides Law's. Jesus christ.

Writer/logkeeper? Isn't that basically Nami's/Robin's job? Robin's an archaeologist, sure, but she reads and writes a lot. She is also the log keeper. Who the hell do you think was keeping their stories in a book? Sanji? Nope, Nami, then Robin. Yeesh.

Skills/combat. Oh my god. This part just killed me absolutely. The hell are you, a doctor? And what do you mean by 'extensive knowledge of pressure points'? All you really need to know about them is where they are and how to get them to react to a hit! And the speed part, don't even get me started. And hand-to-hand combat only, and you've got 65 million on your head? Don't make me laugh!

Traits: This was just the hardblower for me. So her role is supposed to be the writer/logkeeper, yes? How does that fit in with her 'irresponsible, social' traits? Writers generally are loners and keep to themselves and are fairly responsible with writing everything down. Especially log keepers. And those traits are just... so overused... I just don't even... they don't even relate to her role as writer/logkeeper. There's no point to them. She sounds more like a psycho prostitute on drugs with all of those traits together.

Dream/Love: Sure everyone loves a story. But to write the best story in the world? Hahahah no. Gol Roger's story will forever remain the best one no matter how hard you try, chickadee. And the 'love' part. That 'Fuu' character I ranted about in the last journal was actually paired with Ace. And what do you know? I go looking through this character's creator's gallery and find a picture of her OC and Ace with their son Jack. Case closed.


------Second character: Remi "Harpy" Thayer. Not surprisingly, by the same person whose OC I ranted about just now, up above this one.

Age: 29-31 (timeskip)
DoB: April 15th
Height: 5'9
Bounty: 91,000,000 (Here we go! Already. e-e)
Crew: Heart Pirates (What did I say about overused crews? Yeah. Yeah.)
Role: First Mate/Shipwright. (LOL no.)
Skills: Skilled mechanic, highly intelligent, resourceful
Combat: Aerial, hand-to-hand
Traits: Relaxed, logical, blunt, assertive, aloof, lewd, wanton, outspoken, unladylike, poised, protective, sly, perverted
Dream: Developing; she's still kind of finding herself
Love: Phoenix Marco

-Devil Fruit: Hena Hena no Mi (succubus), Drain Drain Fruit, mythical Zoan type.
Ability: An energy vampire essentially. Hypnotic effect on those with weaker willpowers.


Age looks fine, birth, height, blahblahblah.

Then we get to the bounty.

Oh look, yet another one: 91 million. Let's see how good THIS OC is, yes?
Heart Pirates. Heart. Fucking. Pirates. Of. Course.
I know I've already ranted about how the Strawhats and Heart Pirates' crews are overused for OCs. Ugh. Won't even bother.
First mate and shipwright.
First mate.
First mate.
That's Bepo's job you whore. And Shipwright? They're in a submarine. My god. I also like to imagine Penguin and Shachi as the mechanics because well, they just make me think of mechanics.

Skills/combat: skilled mechanic, no background history to that, of course... highly intelligent... shoot me now. My. God. And JUST like her last OC: hand-to-hand. Is this a fetish or something? Like, what? And how the fuck do you fight 'aerial'? You ain't a burd, bitch.

Traits. The traits. Omfg. The traits.
They describe Law. Really? You're just going to make your OC have the same personality as Law. Really. Oh. Okay. -shoots self in the face several times-

Okay, I'll give her props for the love thing. If it was Law I would have gone ragebitch all over her profile. No lie. This rant was rather short, but still rings true: SUE.


------Third character: Kitsune. Just Kitsune.


Age: 17 (D.O.B: February 11)
Gender: Female
Height:1.70 cm
Hair color: dark blue
eyes color: silver
Status: Architect
devil fruit: Hie Hie no mi (ice)
techniques:
-Ice Time
-Ice Time Capsule
-Ice Age
Treasure: her knifes
likes: Relaxed time,foxes,drawing,the sea
Dislike: annoying persons,insects
Dream: "to become the best architect,and find her brother"
Personality: Relaxed, serious


Looks fine until the height.
Wow she's short as hell.
not even two full centimeters!
The colors... don't even get me started. Ugh.
Architect. Architect. Relates with NOTHING in her likes.
Ice Ice Fruit? Lol nope, already taken by Kuzan. Try again.
No story behind why the knives*** are her treasure? No? Figures.
Likes and dislikes are as common as house flies.


Okay, I couldn't rant on this one as much. Know why? There's no INFORMATION on her. What you have here, folks, is simple a poorly crafted OC. I won't even bother with it.


------Fourth character: Menoa Kobayashi

Race/Origins: Human
DoB: June 10th
Age: 19-21
Height: 1,70cm
B.W.H.: 92-63-90
Crew: Red Hair Pirates
Personality: She's a strong person and acts always self confident (sometimes a little bit too much) Her friends, her family, and her love are the most important thing in her life. Sometimes she could get a little bit rude but she always try that this don't happen in front of her friends. She has a very marked temperament.
Story: Menoa lives in piece at her home island till pirates attack the island and killed many people there. she and her family tried to escape but they were killed beside her grandmother and her younger sister. Sadly they lost Menoa on the way to the ship which helped them to escape. A few weeks later Menoa was located from a 20 years old woman which take her at home on the island she came from. Menoa became a part of her family but sadly she don't has any memories on her grandmother and sister or what happened before. At this time she is in the age of 10. Meanwhile she is a nice member of the town and has lots of friends there.


Despite the bad grammar (English might not be their first language, so I'll overlook it) and related errors, this is... actually not a bad OC. The reason I put it here is this.

B.W.H: Same as the others. Skinny babes with big-ass busts.
The crew. The crew. At least it's not Strawhats or Hearts, but you know? Red Hair? Shanks'? Yeah, that one. (I think.) No bounty or anything, which I suppose is a plus against Sue-ness. But there's literally NO reason for her to be in the crew!

Her personality is admittedly decent, but undeveloped. She can't always just have black OR white emotions, yeah?

This is where it goes downhill. The BACKGROUND STORY. Everyone in her family gets killed, she doesn't even remember. What's the point, then? And didn't they die? So how could they lose Menoa on the way to the ship? Confusing as hell. And doesn't mention Shanks. ONCE. So I'd really like to know how exactly this ties in with her getting onto a fucking Yonkou's ship!


------Fifth and final character (for now): (I wanted to use a character I've seen jillions of times here, but this character has no reference sheet. SADFACE. It would have been such a perfect rant too...) Tanaka Oki

DoB: April 3rd
Age: 24 (pre- or post-timeskip, not sure)
Crew: Oceanographer of the Whitebeard Pirates (Here we go. Suesuesuesuesue~ That was my Sue laugh.)
Devil Fruit: Seki Seki no Mi, (I'm thinking paramecia?), allows to create invisible barriers (suesuesuesuesue~)
Weapon: Martial art, karate and taekwondo (That's not a weapon bruh.)
Personality: an settled, but open-minded character, who knows exactly what she want and how she get this in a politely way... she is really ambitious and fights for her aims and the aims of her nakamas. At the first sight she seems to be mysterious, but she is for everone to have fun.....she loves every kind of magic, even the card tricks of her commander Thatch
Bounty: 280,000,000 Beli (HOLY----)


There is SO much wrong with this (again, ignoring grammar).

I don't exactly know what an oceanographer DOES... so I'll skip this somewhat hesitantly. But that doesn't save her from retribution... Like, what? Which division? You don't find out until reading her 'personality' .-.

That Devil Fruit. I just can't. It creates invisible barriers apparently. ...That's more of a Sue Devil Fruit power than Blackbeard! Wtf?

I have no comment. None whatsoever. On her martial arts. Nope. I would show you what these OCs look like, but I don't want to incur any wrath. (Even if you can just find these with a simple search... still. I also do NOT want to thumbnail ANY of these One Piece chick bases).

That personality is as original as the One Piece base. Kthx.

THAT BOUNTY.

280 MILLION.
W.
T.
F.

How the hell!?

That's Supernova standards! Almost as much as Luffy!!

What the heeeeeeell?

You don't get a bounty JUST for joining the Whitebeard pirates, you know................



---

these OCs

I just can't

I can't decide if I should do more of these

I fear for my sanity if I do